you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
