all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
