summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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