You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have post one night stand depression
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
