What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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