yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
