hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
