It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
