I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize