Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
