he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
