Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
