Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
