we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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