Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize