my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
