Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
