i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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