Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
