Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
