if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
