i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
