i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
