So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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