I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
