just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
