Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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