I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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