Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
