Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
