someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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