Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
