Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
