This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
