Apparently you make a good broom.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
