Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
