I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
