I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just want to make out with him forever
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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