HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
