There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
