Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
