So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
