Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
