Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
