That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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