Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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