i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
