I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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