I need help removing her.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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