he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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