im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
