god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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