So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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