So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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