I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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