I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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