i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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