the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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