Swine flu. Run for my life!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
