Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
