This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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