So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
