Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
