pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
