Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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