You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
