Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
