I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
