you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
