Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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