thus making me awesome and them whores
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
