Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
