Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
