I'd wear matching sweaters with you
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
