I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
