he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize