it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
