just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
