you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he puts the penis in happiness.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
