Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
