i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
