I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
