A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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