You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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