New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
