they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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