how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
