is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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