i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
