i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
