i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
