Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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