The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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