are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i believe in u and ur pee
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I forget how to act sober
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