I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
