he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I deserve this hangover.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
