How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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