I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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