i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
